Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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