actually, I'm a sock model
My room smells like vodka and shame
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
