like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
