By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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