Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
