Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
