Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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