were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
