mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize