I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
