carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
