Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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