Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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