I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
