The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
someone owes me an orgasm
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
