If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
