I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
