what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
