I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
