Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
