i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize