you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
