Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
