I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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