It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
