Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
