come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
