I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
