i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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