No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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