I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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