zippers are such a cool invention
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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