I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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