I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
