Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
