I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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