after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
