I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
