oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
