Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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