We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
