the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
