she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
