Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
