please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
