U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
