mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
