Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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