How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
