i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
either way he was missing a nipple.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize