She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
