Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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