I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
