Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
