I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
