Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My penis needs a shock collar
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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