You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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