Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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