she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
