yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Boobs speak an international language.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
