Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
