know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
