I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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