dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
