We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
