did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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