Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
