u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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