oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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