Non-Jews are for practice
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
